You can’t pour from an empty cup is all about taking care of yourself first and foremost. Take a page from the airlines. If you’ve been on any airplane, before your take off, the stewardess comes on the speaker and gives you directions of what to do in the event of an emergency. If you are travelling with a small child, the first thing they tell you to do when the oxygen masks deploy is to first put on your mask and then put the mask on the other person. Well, there is a reason for that! If you can’t breathe, how can you even begin to help others. Caregiving is a difficult job and you can easily lose yourself in the process. It brings about a myriad of emotions, including exhaustion, guilt, anger, fear and loneliness. Finding support and balance in your own life is crucial. My first piece of advice to any caregiver is to find time for yourself! For the nine months my mom was in the hopital, my days consisted of waking up at 5 am, getting my then 10 year old son ready for school, teaching 30 little rugrats for 9 hours, going straight to the hospital after work (grabbing fast food on the way), doing homework with my child in the hospital room, heading home around 10 pm, making sure my son got ready for bed, fixed lunches, and maybe washed dishes before falling into bed around midnight. Wake up the next day-repeat the process! As you read that laundry list did you notice that there was not one minute of the day that I had for myself? That’s right…NOT.ONE.MINUTE! This type of grueling schedule was doing nothing for my physical, emotional, or mental health. My hair was falling out, stomach always in knots, I was grumpy, and good God, I was gaining weight. Something had to change! After much prayer, I finally got to a place where I would begin to strive for at least one hour of “me” time a week. Whether that was going to get a pedicure, taking myself to dinner, or even sitting silently on my patio, I made sure to get it in. Sometimes I had feelings of guilt because I wasn’t right by my mom’s side or I had sent my son with a friend, but doing so was a necessary step in regaining my own sanity. For your sanity, find a few minutes! Go to dinner, soak in the tub, get your hair done, or go workout. You’ll feel better and you’ll come back able to take better care of your loved one.
I know this may seem overwhelming, but having a healthy balance between caring for yourself and caring for your loved one doesn’t have to be hard. Just take it one day at a time and if that’s too much, take it one moment at a time. Just enjoy the moment and relax. It’s the little moments in life that really matter, so try to start taking notice of the opportunities you have to reenergize yourself in these little moments.
Yesss this is soooo true. I had to learn that hard way while caring for my mother , husband, children , work responsibilities that at some point I would break down ! Finding balance is definitely the hardest part.
Everything you say is true, but finding a balance is quite difficult. My mom has lived with my husband and me for 9 years. She has dementia. I knew for quite some time that I needed to have knee surgery, but I kept putting it off because I didn’t have anyone who could care for mom while I recovered. Eventually, the pain became unbearable, so surgery was inevitable. Thank God my sister retired only months before my most needed surgery, so she took mom and kept her through surgery and recovery.
This is a notice to myself that I have to take time for ME💘 My husband had a stroke three years ago and a heart attack in February of this year. I have been going non-stop working two full time jobs to support my family. At the end of the day, who is going to be there to take care of me?
Yes indeed!
I have to remind myself to take time out for me. While my sister helps out, I am the main one looking after our Dad – our brother lives in Georgia – because I live at home with him. I have to remember to disappear for an hour or two. Again, I have to remind myself because I am always doing something.
Even though I have been doing this for 25yrs. I am still strugging with finding me time. I always end up feeling guilty(no one talks about the guilt part of being a caretaker). I am trying to do better. I do go get my haircut and colored at least every 3-4 weeks.
Kym,
I sometimes still struggle with the guilt part too. I do alot of praying to get past it because I know it’s what is best for me.